I did change after I met you,any of you, just as you would have. We might not have realised how the change came about, it might not have been a big change but change we did. What I saw, heard and felt must have registered somewhere to affect some thoughts. Thoughts which might have been lost in millions others or triggered a few more of them. But they were part of me for what it was worth and made me different from what I came to you as. You sure did leave your tinge to the colour of my character as I would have left a spot or streak on yours.
You might not be as important to me as him, her or them. But the change came about as it did every time I met them and anyone else. They left their own shades of red, blue, green on my character sketch painted on black canvas.
The only negativity in the blackness of the canvas is the lack of colour itself . Read that again or I'll rephrase for you - no colour at all is the colour black for you. That's how we all start – A zero character and therefore no colour for the character. They say the genes and DNAs do add some character as we are formed some time around the time our brain cells start forming – but that’s yet to be proven as such. Even so, the start is from nothing and as we enter the world we have but very few finite shades strewn across that invisible canvas of a character to make it some dark shade of grey, if not all black. As we grow and develop our senses, we pick up ways to see, hear, feel the world enough to get into the brighter shades – a red of anger from your father, a pink of femininity from your mother, some subtle blues of pains and maybe some greens of sibling rivalry.
Our world gets more such shades as we live with the wild horses of senses and emotions. Sights, sounds, touch and taste galloping away in various directions, pulling the chariot of desires with them. Desire, that great cannibal king which will multiply by itself , grow into a demon and consume smaller ones just to get bigger and greater. Little do we realise how each of these desires, fulfilled , unfulfilled, leave their own marks on our psyche and character. You are no longer grey – just for these desires and how you got your way with them, your character has some colour to it. The colour of having seen through something, good bad or ugly.
By the time I meet you, I have met others as well. They added their fair share of experiences to add to yours. Remember that teacher always kind to you – you learnt more than what she taught. That friend you had long time back ? He’s the one you picked that habit of cracking your knuckles from. More importantly, remember that question about yourself someone asked ? That’s the first time you thought how important your mother was to you – and that still defines you to a large extent. That's the primary glow in your character’s glory and that's when you started on the golden path.
All this while, your senses have had their own run – growing, multiplying within your body. From a single cell to billions of them each serving many other billions in your brains. Multimillion memories and feelings , intertwined within themselves like a huge colony of mating snakes. Another chain that's uncontrollable in its own respect making you much more elaborate than the sum of your own body parts.
Here I am and here you are almost midway on our journey with some brightness from the knowledge of world around us, within us. Middle of this journey is defined by getting to the peak of those billions of cells on your body but not by the mating of those emotions and desires-demons. They’ll continue feeding, multiplying themselves. So where do we want to lead these to ? Will I be able to tame them ? Do I even need to tame them ? And what do we do with our semi-illuminated canvas of character ?
I don’t have all the answers but here's what I can do. I can be conscious of the fact that this exchange of character traits is how the character is meant to be painted. I prefer to see it as a single shade at any point of time rather than a mishmash of threads of colour because singular is how you see me and alone as one is how I feel for myself. I might have my mood flying around in different directions but what matters to you is how I dealt with you and how you would expect me to deal with you based on your perception of me. Despite a bad mood If i was still able to channel some well placed sentiments for while talking to you - that's how enlightened you see me as in worldly and emotional affairs. Going by your experience with me you'll be able to place me in a certain range of characters and accordingly approach or avoid me. On the other hand, if you have a shade of street smart or power in your character, you might be able to manipulate my latent character traits and get to choose how I respond to you. You might do that but you'll leave that in some shade with me. Who knows, I might be better off with that shade but again the exchange is two ways - only depending on how receptive we both were. That's the key of life for me - to be able to control how I allow myself to be painted. I could shut myself out for reasons of any sort - region, religion, age, gender , and not gain any shades actively. Or I could be aware that everyone else has at least a shade to offer at every occasion - do I want it ? I don't think we loose colour ever. Any exchange adds another shade which might be light or dark like laughter or anger. It just changes the shade but adds to the spectrum nevertheless and moves us closer or further from getting them all in one – white.
That's how I see my journey, and yours, moving from lack of colours to adding as many as we come across and taking the character towards the pure, divine shades of white.
I also know a part of how it would end. I know quite a bit about what would biologically happen to the billions of cells and just a bit about all those emotions – they’ll go when I go. Cell matter going back to the largest inventory called nature feeding some different form of life. Billions of cells from me, even when I am alive, changing forms, breaking down and turning to infinite existences and life forms all around where I would have been.
The emotions and feelings vent out as further emotions with tears or smiles, turning into a few memories with you and maybe a few others as I live and when I die. Like a forwarded email, they are there for each recipient to treat as spam or read out, enjoy and maybe even forward for the benefit of others , leading to uncountable memories and shades somehow derived from me in the long run. Still continuing to take some shades from me and my character long after I've gone – just like those stories about your grand parents that linger with you forever. Always prevalent in some form in your own character and possibly to some extent even those of people you meet. Another infinity started out of me and anyone else who ever survived. That's what God gets to be like – all pervasive yet nowhere. The white light.
What about my own colourful character ? I know not where it would end. But I do know where I would like it to. I’d like it to be white – the purest form, beholder of all colours and all shades. I know I cant know everything about everyone and everything but I can try knowing as much as possible. More importantly, I can get to know all there is to know about myself and get a bonus shade by knowing that I was open to all other colours as well. That’s what knowing God would be like – nowhere in sight but absolutely complete in itself.
And to think its possible to be achieved by each one of us who started as a single celled colourless characters.
