Chik-Chik-Chik... Tachik
Chik-chik-chik-chik ...- Khachik
Chik-chik-chik-chik ...- Khachik
Kainchi- scissors ki ye repetitive awaaz kareeb 5-7 minute chalti thi.
"Hilna mat varna kaan cut jayega" Nashe se laal aankhein liye jab naayi kehta tha to lakdi ke phatte par 6-7 saal ki nanhi si nicker band tashreef tak jhurjhuri si daudh jaati thi.
2 mahiney mein ek baar honey waali 'cutting' ka ek wo hissa hota tha jab naayi apne ustarey ko geeley chamde par ghis kar meri taraf maano slow motion mein badh raha hota tha. Desi Ustarey ka is tarah saamna karne ke liye ek taraf mann hi mann khud ko veerta puraskaar diye jaatey they, doosri taraf kaan aur gardan par चीतकारक (scream inducing), हृदयविस्फोटक (heart exploding),
असहनीय (unbearable) gudgudi hoti thi. Naana, parnaana sab yaad aa jaate they. Ab 6 ya 7 saal ki umra naayi ki maan aur behan ko yaad karne ki umra to hoti nahin hai!
Background mein boodhey radio par puraaney manhoos se gaaney chalte they.
“Kallan ki lugaayi ke mauda huo” (Mr Kallan’s wife has delivered a boy – or words to that effect) - Mrs Nai (नाईन ?) parde ke peechhe se kuchh to bhi announcement karti thi. Like a true professional immersed in his work, Mr Darua naayi mere baalon se saney face par beedi ka dhuuan dhakelte huey sirf “hmmmmm” ki hunkaar bhar deta tha.
Meanwhile, Cheating karte pakde gaye ladke ki tarah kisi tarah bina hiley, kasmasaatey se aapke bhai ne zindagi mein wo kathin padaav bhi kayi baar paar kiya. Uske baad har baar jale par namak ko charitaarth – exemplify kartey huey naayi thande haathon se fitkari ka paththar laga deta. Aur phir chubhte huey baalon bhari shirt pehne ghar tak ka cycle ka safar jaise nark ka trailer. Lets just say I am counting all these occasions as having had an adventurous life.
Agle 2-3 din us katora cut hajaamat ko lekar doston mein jo live chheenta-kashi chhedh-chhaadh (teasing) chalti thi usey hi aaj kal 'bullying’, ‘body-shaming’ jaise tamgon se sajaaya gaya hai. Naam naya, paap wahi.
Khair, 2 Rupayee waali hajaamat se expect bhi kya keejiye?
Jab teenage ke parr Iagaakar kachchi umra waali aashiqui ki udaan bharni chaahi to Aamir- Salman ki tasveeron waale "Hair cutting salon" par dhyaan gaya.
"Personality mein to apan bhi hero hi hain, bas baal set kar do boss" waale bhaav lekar gaye to sahi lekin nikle phir wahi mundu se ban kar. In hind sight, us Mithun se jhabre baalon waale hajaam ko dekh kar hi samajh jaana chahiye tha ki he was like a Junior Doctor. Deewaron par lagey poster uske liye medicine ke latest journals ki tarah they – handiwork of best in trade. And he was practising the latest trends on his subject - me ! Uske is experiment ki keemat - teen guna lagaan - yaani 7.50 Rupaye.
Aise kuchch experimental saalon ke baad, chhote sheher ke iss chhore ne hichkichaate huey Delhi ke ek decent se "Debonaire Men's Parlour" mein kadam rakha.
Aaiye aapko khaaka kheench doon or as they say - Let me paint you a picture. Badhiya AC yukta room, side mein cable TV – a novelty back then, sofa-susajjit, saaf suthre almost bhavya se bhavan mein Safed coat pehne ‘hair stylists’ ‘clients’ ko full courtsey se ‘serve’ karte huey. Gone were the days of paan chabaate, beedi phoonkte badboo waale naayis. Lekin rate list mein ‘gents cut only’ ke 30 Rupaye par nazar padhi to turant aatma ki aawaaz aayi – “beta nikal le yahaan se, teri ghani, reshmi zulfein abhi itni bhi keemti nahin hui hain"
Thanks to Sanju baba's khalnaayak, Yalgaar type roles and of course the new boy in B-town Shahrukh Khan, her rikshey waala lambey baal rakh raha tha. Yaani, if I played my cards right, 2-3 mahiney just another wannabe SRK ban kar baal na katwaata to "Debonaire Men's Parlour" was back on the table!
There I was 4 months later, sitting all mantra mugdh, mesmerized by the shiny branded bottles of hair-gels, after shaves, taking in the talc of Lakme and imagining that blow dryer blowing on my head. Har graahak ki gardan ko naya topaz blade allot ho raha tha, aadha hi sahi.
"Sir aapki lassi abhi lenge ya hair wash ke baad " – haav, bhaav aur taav se head stylist lagne waale ne Baniyaan pehne, baalon par mehendi lagaaye, Ganesh sa lambodar liye (pot bellied) ek uncle se poochha. Uncle ne Mamta Kulkarni waali Stardust se nazar hataaye bina bas haath badha diya. Doosri baaju par doosra doctor-coat waala naayi mukke maar-maar kar shaayad apna koi gham galat kar raha tha.
Wah! kya hospitality hai!!
Kuchh der baad pata chala, mehendi, massage, lassi aur tip milaakar lambodar uncle 375 ka chadhaawa chadhaa gaye!
Aaj, kareeb 20 saal baad, baalon mein ek taraf safedi ke saath chhupan chhupaayi chalti hai doosri taraf eeshwar se yaachna ki kaale safed jaise bhi ho, tera haath mere baalon waale sar par hamesha bana rahe. Isliye hair cut ke liye jaana apne aap mein ek Vijay yatra – walk of victory si lagti hai ki ishwar ne itne baal to diye ki katwaane bhi padhte hain.
Kyonki nostalgia is the latest trend, main kabhi kabhi hair cut waali Kainchi ki “chik – chik – chik – Tachik” mein bhi memories dhoondh leta hoon. England ke ek chhote se shehar mein bina coat waale but well trained stylists se hair cut karwaate huey “weather is horrible” aur “are you doing much this weekend” type small talk karte huey daruey naayi ko bhi yaad kar leta hoon.
Pound ke hisaab se kareeb 1500 rupaye ki chapat ya haircut ke baad bhi shirt par na aane waale baal to nahin chubhte lekin radio par Vividh Bharti ki jagah bajta rap zaroor chubhta hai. Ye bhi khayaal aataa hai ki Kallan’s Mauda – that son of Mr Kallan, must be a grown up young man now.
